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Yuki Eiri

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[Private] [11.23.2006 @ 2:51pm]
[ mood | angry ]

Shuichi is back in town, apparently.

If he does so much as touch me or speak with me, I will make him wish he'd never been born.

[Private] [10.05.2006 @ 9:38pm]
[ mood | cynical ]

Hiroshi and I are... together... or something of that nature.

I suppose it isn't a bad thing, to come back from a rather exhausting book tour and find yourself in the arms of someone that very obviously cares about you. I spent so much time pushing him away... but... now, maybe, I understand why he felt the way he did. There is nothing like having your soul stepped on to gain better perspective on life issues like this.

But... he really does seem to care about me. Do I feel the same way for him? I don't think so... but... I think I could... given time.

I have also decided that I will never again fuck anyone. Every time I get into that sort of relationship... it dies. Maybe if I am only a willing receptacle... then... only then can things work. Maybe that's the way this has to be. It will be.

[Private] [08.16.2006 @ 9:56am]
[ mood | pessimistic ]

There is nothing new under the sun.

I am dreading this book tour. I have already begun to make appearances at local bookstores in Tokyo... and the fans are just so aggravating, I wish I didn't leave the house.

I leave in just a week.

My novel is already on the best-seller list. I wonder if anyone else has noticed. I doubt it. They said they would check up on me... I doubt they even plan to. It's all right... I can handle life by myself. It's colder now than it was before, but it can't be helped. I should have known it would come around to this once more. I should send them both copies of the novel, signed... but I can't lift a pen to do so. I don't want to deal with them... if they are uninterested in dealing with me.

I've been seeing a doctor about my wrist. He said that they can attempt some reconstruction, but it will have to be done once I'm back from the book tour, because I'll need a lot of recovery time. I'm going for x-rays and all that necessary garbage NOW, because I can. Maybe this will make me realize that I shouldn't try such a stupid thing again... although, the way things are these days, I'm just tempted to overdose on my migraine medication.

[Friends Only] [08.04.2006 @ 2:20am]
[ mood | blah ]

I think I'm pretty well settled into my new apartment. It's a little big... but it's quiet and completely unlike my old apartment, which is the main thing. I had to get away from there, for so many reasons...

I also have all new stuff, aside from my desk and computer. Not like much wasn't ruined, anyway. It's still all at the other apartment, which I'm going to leave... as is. No point in making the effort to clear it out and sell it, especially since I don't need the money. Right now, anyway... I suppose I'll see how this current book sells.

I have a book tour lined up at the end of the month. Ugh... I hate those things.

poison me // 0

[Private] [07.06.2006 @ 9:38pm]
The book is coming along. Thank goodness for this typing program.

I think it's best if I just don't see anyone until the book is done. That'll be... another week or so. Maybe two. I'm really on a roll now... somehow. I wonder what gave me this inspiration.

No, I know... not having a fucking television anymore, that's what.

Well, I have a couple new doors now. Whee.

[Private] [06.19.2006 @ 5:27pm]
[ mood | pissed off ]

My sister is a fucking cunt.

Maybe if she had a soul somewhere deep in that black heart of hers... but no, she doesn't. She's a fucking selfish whore.

I'm going to start locking my door... with the chain.

[05.24.2006 @ 8:38pm]
[ mood | depressed ]

To-morrow, and to-morrow, and to-morrow,
Creeps in this petty pace from day to day,
To the last syllable of recorded time;
And all our yesterdays have lighted fools
The way to dusty death. Out, out, brief candle!
Life's but a walking shadow; a poor player,
That struts and frets his hour upon the stage,
And then is heard no more: it is a tale
Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury,
Signifying nothing.

poison me // 0

[04.09.2006 @ 8:49pm]
[ mood | annoyed ]

I hate when my self-loathing is interrupted.

poison me // 0

[12.09.2005 @ 10:42pm]
[ mood | contemplative ]

Tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow.
Creeps in this petty pace from day to day
To the last syllable of recorded time;
And all our yesterdays have lighted fools
The way to dusty death.
Out, out, brief candle!
Life's but a walking shadow; a poor player,
That struts and frets his hour upon the stage,
And then is heard no more: it is a tale
Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury,
Signifying nothing.

In that knowledge, that your life is insignificant, despair.

poison me // 1

[11.05.2005 @ 4:59pm]
[ mood | pissed off ]

Shuichi and I are likely to be going on a long trip. It's not like anyone gives a damn whether I'm here or not... so I might as well spend time with someone who gives a shit about me. Not like I've called Tohma, but he also hasn't called me. Even if I don't call, he calls. Fuck HIM, I don't give a fuck. Asshole.

I'm glad I have Shuichi... if I didn't, I think I would be completely driven out of my mind.

poison me // 0

[10.14.2005 @ 10:06am]
[ mood | aggravated ]

I've been looking up possible vacation places in Europe. Shuichi wants to go to Europe. Well, as long as it's not Japan. I'm getting even more sick of Japan than I was before.

Nothing from Tatsuha lately, which is... good. The kid always seems to WANT something from me. Things I'm not interested in giving him.

I haven't heard anything from Tohma lately, either, which is... well, I couldn't care less.

poison me // 0

[10.03.2005 @ 3:16pm]
[ mood | depressed ]

Tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow.

I think that my entire life has been a grave mistake.

I am too apathetic to fix things. I don't care, I don't want to care, and no one can make me care.

Well, no... there is someone who can.

poison me // 0

[Private] [09.16.2005 @ 3:31pm]
[ mood | grumpy ]

I have to stop doing this. It's not Tohma's fault, it's mine. All mine.

I hate myself. More than before, much more. My therapist says that now that things are looking up, I'm trying to sabotage them.

I think... I think that my therapist is right.

[09.14.2005 @ 3:03pm]
[ mood | distressed ]

I hate fans. I can't fucking pick up a six pack without getting assaulted.

I think I need to talk to Shuichi... unrelated, of course.

poison me // 0

[08.30.2005 @ 10:22pm]
[ mood | annoyed ]

Shuichi made me go out to eat with him. ~_~ Like, a date.

Maybe I don't want to admit I had a good time.

I'm still not going to Tohma's office. HEH.

poison me // 0

[08.22.2005 @ 11:10pm]
[ mood | aggravated ]

I don't know if I want to go see Tohma anymore... it's like I'm a huge fucking BURDEN to him or something. He acts like he's glad I'm there, then suddenly it's like he wants me GONE. "Go for a walk." Fine, I went. I fucking LEFT is what I did. He's also the king of stupid assumptions.

I need to write, I have a deadline, but fuck... I can't think of anything. I need a beer, and... well, a lot more for inspiration.

poison me // 0

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